The risk of change

We all take that chance. To stand up and do something. I know that its sometimes hard. That you might be afraid to get hurt. I've been there. But it's I will not sit idle and let these things get the worst of me. I am more then willing to take the risk. Will you not do the same?

I know it feels like too much too soon, but I will leap where others have fallen. I dare not to look back in fear of the demons I might see. If only you would come with.

Truth

This was inspired by a friend.

I lied when I told you I was fine.

I lied when I told you I didn't miss her.

You don't know who I really am because I am afraid to show you.

I tell myself I can when I know I can't.

I used to have friends who weren't friends at all.

I still have that notebook you gave me. And each night I poor my heart and soul into it. It is everything I am and have been.

I do cry. Not because of the pain but because of what should have been.

I once trusted in you. Everything I was isn't me any more. You made me into what I am today. Are you proud of that? I know I'm not. I should have known better. I should have prepared myself. I didn't.

Perfect?

I like this is so right that I am afraid that I might be wrong. That I might be crushed under this the strain I put on myself. That I may lose a friend.

I don't know what to say. It's like something inside of me wanting to breath. Before this feeling I had nothing. Nothing but myself. I hated who I was so I did things I never should have done. I was hollow and alone. It was nobodies fault but my own. I need to let go but I can't. I won't lie to myself anymore. I don't think I'll make it through this but I need to try. The only problem is I feel as if I will battle this alone.

The things that matter

When it comes down to it we all have to chose between something. The question is will I make the right decision? Will I have enough strength to do what is right? Honestly, I have no fucking clue. But thats the point isn't it. If I knew then there wouldn't be any challenge involved. I can only hope.

Will I ever be good enough?

I do the best I can. I sweat blood. I work till my hands blister. I do every thing you ask me. My tears are nothing but pain. I do all this and yet you still can't even say good job or even look me in the eyes. You put me down at every chance you get. It seems like there are two sides to you. The side who jokes with me. Who will some times compliment me. But then you change. You become something I want nothing to do with. You hate. You lie. You just piss me off.

I am tired of bottling all this crap up. I am done rolling over. You can do what you want but I'm done with it. I won't look away any more. You may not be worth it but I promise you this. Next time I will look you right in the eye and tell you what I've been wanting to say for a long time. So you better be ready to listen.

Just let go!

Do you ever find yourself bored out of your mind? I do all the time but there is an answer. Many people go through their lives with out doing anything new. Stop complaining. Stop waiting.
Go out.
Be spontaneous.
Do something stupid.
Start a riot.

Just do something.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is one of the things that scares me the most. I don't know what will happen and I can't prevent it either. But with the fear comes the hope and joy when something good happens. I do get afraid some times. I fear that tomorrow will bring something I didn't expect. But it's better to move forward then to never go anywhere or do anything. You have to take a chance. Sometimes it'll come back and bite you in the ass, but you'll never know for sure if you don't try. I'm just tired of giving excuses for not accepting tomorrow. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm ready to move on.

~The Dreamer