Mountain face or valley floor?

So, yeah. I'm super duper bored. I have a car but I can't drive it. I want to hang out with some one but I don't know how to ask. I worked out for four hours straight yesterday so I'm too sore to do it today. Everyone is busy. I still don't have my own computer (should be here soon). I might have to get rid of my dog which I really don't want to do. I have my pay check but I can't spend it. Don't want to go for a walk because I'm sore. Don't have any home work, that I know of. And no one seems to want to talk. Must be because I'm so rude :/

Ughhh... And on top of it all I'm tired of complaining..

~Jerod~

Keine Sonne die mir scheint

Life. A story in itself. Every last one of us has a story to tell. A book containing our past, our feelings, our tragedies, our adventures, and our futures. Some of us are drama, some are classics, and some of u are just plane fiction.
We all want to be read. We all want some one to connect with us. Some one to stay up half the night with. Some one to cry with. Some one to laugh with. Some one to share life with.

I'll tell you my story if you'll share yours.

~Jerod~

Give this life away

I know it could end again in atrocity.
When you see me coming down I will force it away.
Theres no one left to hurt but me.
If I told you the truth would it bring you closer?
I keep trying to keep my intentions disguised,
Now I'm deprived of my conscious and something has got to give.

None of this belongs to me.
I suppose I went and let it go,
and now I'm searching for a reason to hold on.
Will I fall again into dismay?
Some days I think I feel myself fading.

But your always there.
I know where to turn in this time of need.
I look in your eyes and my heart seems to sing.
The eyes are the color of sanity.
My redemption awaited in those arms.



When we're in trouble or feel like everything is for nothing we tend to want to keep to ourselves. We lock ourselves away. Don't let any in. But we all know some we can go to. That person is called a friend. All we need to do is ask. We can set aside our own heart aches to help our friends.

So much

It just seems to be stacking up. One thing afer another. When I find one reason to be happy two things happen to bring me back down. It's not even worht it. Just take my hope away. I ask hat you be merciful and just crush me now. Haven't I suffered enough?! Riht when I start to believe, to actually pray and hope it's crushed. I'm tired of being let down. Maybe I expect to much or maybe I deserve what happens. I don't have any where left o turn. I'm gone..

Devastation, obliteration, incineration, desperation, theres no explaining my situation, why does this keep happening to me? I'll never be ok. I guess thats just part of life.

Mirror.. Mirror...

A lot of things can take you by surprise. When you realize your not as happy as you thought you were. When something isn't as good as it appeared to be..

I see eyes that have sought sorrow and anguish.
I see a mind that holds a thousand truths but no answers.
I see lips that speak nothing but lies.
I see a face that has been bloodied.
I see a heart that is scared but cares so much.
I see hands that shake because they don't know what steady is.
I see a soul holding on by a thread.
I hate what I see.
I walk by the mirror but I still feel it's reflection following.
Always watching..


I feel like being alone today. Lock the doors and draw the curtains.

To the wall!

I had a lot of free time today. My day off. Of course most of my friends have to work today.. So, now I'm bored. I was thinking about going to the movies but going to the movies alone is lame.. Ughh.....

I was going to try and pick up on my acoustic guitar today but I haven't played for six years.. I barely remember the notes.. I'm going to ask kyle to give me some lessons which he will most likely say no.. I wrote some song lyrics but I can't sing worth two spits. My voice my not be musical but I'll be damned if my heart doesn't sing. I think a long walk is in order.. But I'm still a little sore. Oh well, I'll find some cause to pass the time.

~Jerod~

Nothing is whats important..

Wow, two blogs with only a couple hours in between. These twos hours have been.. I don't know. The curtain is gone. My eyes are open. It's time for a rant.

I can't believe how good I feel right now. I've just been through one hell of a physical traumatizing experience and all I can do is think about how nice the weather had been today. I had set out to set things right but I had ran into a bump. I realized then that it was just a trial. Just a test to show my faith on my decision. I took my beating. But I took feeling I was doing the right thing. The best thing about not knowing something is knowing that what ever you feel is whats best.

Now I'm sitting here smiling. Typing this blog. I smiled at the bruises. I looked at my hand. I saw every crack and line and I knew I would relieve every last one of them even if I knew the negative out come. I feel like if I really wanted to I could step out side and just fly where ever my heart so desired to take me. My story is just beginning and I'm looking for characters to join. If you need a friend, helpful hand, comforting voice, or just some one to talk to, you know how to get a hold of me.

~Jerod Leto Botts~


P.S. Yes, that is my actual middle name O.o

Sometimes we just need to look..

My life has been full of what ifs and excuses. I've had it bad but I'm tired of using that as an excuse. Many is the day I've taken for granted. I'm done with it. It's so depressing being so down all the time. I have a hundred and one reasons to smile. It's about time to use them. I've found my faith in myself. Every person must better them self so he or she can help other when the need arise. And hell, when you're as purty as I am why not smile? ;D

~Jerod Botts~

"We all die. How do we serve others in the very few moment that we have?"
- Mr. Kent Prescott

To find that pot of gold..

I look back at what I sad the other day and I can't help but cringe. Yah. I got into a really bad fight with my dad and I thought about doing some really stupid stuff but I ended up being fine. I went out with the guys we cruised around town acting really immature but it was exactly what I needed. A good time.

You want to see insanity?

Why do you bother. You cut me in two but you don't stop there. You look at me with disappointment. Like I'm a failure with no chance at redemption. It wasn't always like this. You used to hug me. You used to call me pal. You used to care. You used to ask me how my day was. You asked me how I was doing. Now it's are your grades better yet? Have you cleaned your room yet? Stay out of shit that doesn't belong to you! God Damn it. You don't even bother to make up for it any more. I'm just an obstacle in the way of you living your life. Would it help if I said I was sorry? Would it even fucking matter to you? Would it help if you hit me? Just lashed out and made me bleed? If so then by all means fucking hit me. Hit me until you can't even fucking breathe..
I'm fucking done. Fuck this.

~Fucking insanity~