A puzzle

I'm watching the pieces fall together. Everyday things change. I'm ready for it.
My current situation:
I've been invited to compete for a contract to fight at the main event center in waterloo.
I have a court date set for wednesday due to my 'trespassing'. On an abandoned farm left to fall apart.. If we do get charged and I go probation I know its gonna suck. I won't be able to work so I could lose my job. There goes my phone and car. I'll find a way to deal with that when it happens so now I'm just not gonna worry bout it.
I'm still working on some social aspects of my life. I'm getting along with people a lot more. I don't argue or hold grudges like I used to. I don't really hate my school as much. Just around half the people in it ;p As for a girlfriend? Meh, I'm in no hurry. What ever happens happens. As for the party life? I don't think that will be coming back for a while.
My home life is improved a lot. My dad is showing more respect for me and doesnt give me as much crap about my current life style. We don't argue much at all. My bro is still a douche... But hes still my bro.
As for the future? Idk. What it looks like now is that I'll end up going to Hawkeye for college and getting some kind of degree in literature and continue with training. I wanted to go to Iowa but money is tight. See where that leads me. These are the things that i've wanted to do or thought about. Pursuing a carreer in MMA whether its fighting or somethign to deal with the sport, opening a bar and retiring, I do one day want to start a family but I think thats a bit of a ways away. And if all else fails I'll just join the army or move down south. Until then I'll just be here for the sake of finding out where I end up.

Thanks for reading
Sincerely,
Me.

Easy?

The other day I was thinking how good things have been for me lately. How much easier my life is. Then it struck me that I was wrong. My life isn't any easier then it was a couple months ago. I'm just better at handling it now. I enjoy everything a lot more. I don't know if its because of my training sessions or something else. I know for a fact that its taught me to use patience. I don't have to push to get something. I can just wait. I can do with out and if that opening does show itself then I'll strike. The funniest thing is its really not that hard to be happy. Its actually nice.

Yah. I'm scared.

Where do I start? School works piling up. My hours at work are being cut. I'm losing money. I'm going more into debt. My family is further apart then its ever been before. I'm afraid that I'm losing my closest friends. I feel more at home in the gym then any where else right now. But I'm scared shitless when I go here. I have no problem putting forth the effort but recently things are changing. When I put those gloves on all I'm thinking about is winning but then when I take a hit or I see one comng my mind wonders. And all I can think about is the people close to me. Why can't I just say this? I get scared more then ever. But then I use it. I take my hits and push harder. Maybe I'll be able to work up the nerve to do something about this some day.

In other words I'm just trying to find some motivation.
~Jerod~

This is it

Two days left. Thats the only thing that I'm trying to think about right now. It is literally like a needle in a hay stack. So many things to deal with. Work, school, my dad not even acknowledging my own birthday, feelings that seem really confusing, my future, dream, hopes, trials... All of that matters so much to me. But I can't let it get to me. Absolute focus and determination. This is it. My last night fighting for a long time. I need this. I want this. I'm not going to give it my best. I'm going to be the best. Thats all I need to worry about now. Keep my hands up and my feet moving. Thats all there is.