What am I?

I've spun a tale of sorrow and stress so forth. And unfortunately the clouds thicken further yet. At this point of my aged journal I was distraught. Forgive the rushed writings.

Part 3

How could some one be so cruel? Why am I pestered so? Have I not had enough! I guess not.. Today I learned a most shocking truth. I learned that I am to die a most terrible death... And I learned this in science class. What the hell is wrong with this story? In science today we were learning about hereditary diseases and such. And you know what just happened to come up in our discussion? Huntington's disease.. So I learned in science class that I may have this curse.. There are three possibilities. Either A- The disease wasn't transfered to me from my mother, B- I have it but im just a carrier: meaning it won't hurt me but my kids may get it, or C- I do have it and that means the disease will start to effect me a little before middle age. At first I will just shake a little then I will have uncontrollable quakes, loss of memory, incomprehensible speaking, and an early death. And with my luck it will be C. What the fuck did I do? I know I have done things that I shouldn't have. But why the hell do I deserve this crap? I can't take it any more.. I think I'm going insane. I don't dream any more.. I hardly sleep.. And when I do its only nightmares. I'm missing so much school..


That small bit was the only piece I wrote in my journal for five weeks. Over those five weeks I stopped talking to my family and friends.. I didn't care about anything or any one. I just gave up. I would go on walks for hours with out letting any one know where I was. I just wanted to be alone. I would constantly have fits of anger or rage. I either ended up splitting my knuckles on a wall or getting in a fight and usually getting my ass handed to me. It was a time I wish I could forget. The purpose of my posting these if not to ask for sympathy or to try and get attention. Im trying to accept what I once was.. What I never want to do again.