What I've always been.

Now I come to the conclusion of my tale of sorrow. I'm grateful for this chance to lift the burden of these feelings off my shoulders. I'm grateful for you taking those five minutes to read and care. But most of all I'm grateful to those who gave me a chance, those who promised to help. And I swear if they ever need it I will be there.

These next segments are from several days over a week. I wrote these some time during second quarter of eighth grade.

Part 4

I'm still in a state of despair. I am so clueless as to what to do. It almost seems that no one even cares to what my problems are. But why should they? Its my burden to suffer through alone. I just wish some one would try to understand. I can't keep going on. I'm running out of excuses. What am I supposed to do when it seems the entire world is against me.

Three days later
I think I sprained my ankle today. I was coming back from football practice when I tripped and hurt my ankle. I've broken the ankle twice before so its probably sore from that. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. At most I guess its some time off school.

The day after
Is this some kind of sick dream? could I have been imagining everything thats happened? It just seems so unfair. My doctor tells me that my ankle is nearly done. When I was little I had been playing on a porch swing when a part of it had lifted off the ground and crashed into my ankle. It shattered one of the tiny bones there. I broke it a few years later but since it hasn't given me any trouble. Now my doctors say that my ankle is like a sixty year olds. Its ready to give in. I could have surgery but it could turn out worse. I've dropped football and I've got to walk with a cain for the next month. After that the doctor will tell me if I'll be able to run again.. This doesn't really surprise me.. I'm ready to give up. This was it. I'm done. I can't take any more.

About 4 in the morning.
I can't believe I had ever been so stupid. I had a dream. An honest to god dream. I don't remember any specifics only that I saw a familiar face smiling. And just like that it clicked. Just because all of this shit has happened to me doesn't mean I should give up with out a fight. I owe that much to my mother. I owe that much to myself. I'm confident things are going to change.


Well, there you have it. That was my life at the junior high. I had plenty of reasons to quit. I mean life literally took a shit on me. I took blow after blow and I even thought of things that chill me today. I gave up on myself. I did everything I could to try and get away when i should have just took a step forward and embraced it. I still have nightmares but I know thats all they are. I have so much to look forward to now. I'm out with friends every weekend. I've made a bunch new friends. I've felt things I never expected to feel. I tasted life and now I want as much as I can get. Just as a recap they never did catch my mothers killer. Theres not much I can do about that. But I know some day I will find a way to come to terms on that. I still haven't worked up enough courage to sit down and talk to my dad about huntingtons disease but I know its nearly that time. And I know I can go on after knowing if I have it or not. And as for my ankle, well I went into the doctor a month ago and he said its improved. I've been doing some work with it. My life is probably at its peak. I'm in the best shape ive been in for a long time. I work nearly everyday. The way I see it I got way to much going for me to lose it all. I just can't wait to see whats around the corner.

Thanks for the help.

~Jerod~